The Many MySpace Surveys Of Sweeney Todd
by x-nellie-lovett-x
Summary: So, basically I pulled together a load of surveys off of MySpace and thought what would they be like if the Sweeney Todd characters filled them out? Please review. x
1. Sweeney Todd

_**Author note: I do not own Sweeney Todd or any of its characters. If I did, there would be a different ending to the movie. I do not own these surveys either. Now enjoy and please review!! X**_

_**Sweeney Todd**_

**Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced?**

Hmmm… what sort of a first question is that??

**Does a kiss make you feel better?**

Only if it's Lucy…

**Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?**

Funny story actually – I was so annoyed at the judge one night that I had a major nervy b whilst in the bathroom, and as a result, actually passed out. Mrs. Lovett is sworn to secrecy.

**Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in?**

I don't know what a "shower" is, but I run the bath water before I get in.

**What did you do today?**

The usual. Stared out of the window. Thought about Lucy. Killed a few customers. Tried to think of some way to stop Mrs. Lovett from annoying me.

**Have you ever brushed your teeth while in the shower?**

Again, this "shower" you speak of! What is it???

**Have you had more than 3 boyfriends/girlfriends at the same time?**

3???? I've only been married once!

**Have you ever thought about your death?**

Many times.

**Ever been in love?**

Of course. Why do you think I married Lucy?

**Would you rather be in a permanent relationship or play the field?**

Well I want to be married to Lucy, obviously. But I can't since she is, in fact, dead.

**What is your favorite sport?**

Killing people. Does that count?

**What color is your shower curtain?**

ARGHH!! What is a "shower"????

**Have you ever had stitches?**

No, I don't think so, unless you count the time Mrs. Lovett nearly speared me in the head with a needle.

**Did you believe that boys/girls had cooties?**

Cooties?? Is that like cookies??

**Do you know how to use chop sticks?**

I have never been to China, so why do I need to learn?? I have been to Australia though. Bad times.

**Lyrics stuck in your head?**

_My Friends_, definitely.

**Do you like the Red Sox or Yankeess?**

My socks are always black, actually.

**What are you doing tomorrow?**

The usual. Staring out of the window. Thinking about Lucy. Killing a few customers. Trying to think of some way to stop Mrs. Lovett from annoying me.

**Who was the last person you couldn't take your eyes off of?**

Anthony, but only because I was wondering how he can look like a woman so much.

**Have you ever given money to a homeless person?**

I have given a few coins to this crazy beggar lady who seems to have an obsession with Mrs. Lovett's pie shop.

**Have you ever run over an animal?**

No – surely if you were running you would see the animal coming?

**What is your favorite cereal?**

I don't eat.

**Have you ever had an Oreo with peanut butter?**

I don't eat.

**What are you doing right at this moment?**

Filling out this stupid survey, and trying to ignore Mrs. Lovett who is bending in front of me far too much. Hang on… is she doing that on purpose?

**Do you think its right for straight guys to get their tongue pierced?**

Why would you want a big hole through your tongue?

**Where's your favorite place to be?**

Anywhere with Lucy.

**What's your favorite song?**

_My Friends_ by Sweeney Todd. Obviously. But I try to ignore what Mrs. Lovett is singing over the top of me.

**Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker?**

Gin all the way!

**Have you ever thrown shoes on a telephone wire?**

What a stupid question.

**Have you ever been skinny dipping?**

No, but if I get pulled into another of Mrs. Lovett's _By The Sea _fantasies I might end up doing so.

**Have you ever been arrested?**

Unfortunately, yes. For something I didn't do. I was sent to Australia, but came back under a different name. Hence the story. Got it?

**Do you dream in black and white?**

I have to. I live in a Tim Burton film.

**Do you talk in your sleep?**

I don't actually know this. Mrs. Lovett could tell you.

**Do you snore?**

See above.

**Are you a redneck?**

No, my neck is scarily pale.

**Funniest thing you heard all day?**

I have no time for funniness.

**Have you ever gotten a mosquito bite on your face?**

Yes, in Australia. The mosquito in question was hiding behind Nicole Kidman.

**What are you afraid of?**

Nothing. I am Sweeney Todd, after all.


	2. Nellie Lovett

_**Mrs. Nellie Lovett**_

**Who is your best friend?**

I would say Mr. Todd. We are more partners in crime, but it's practically the same thing.

**Who do you like?**

Mr. Todd, of course! Have you not seen the movie??

**Who is your mum?**

My mum was called Margery, but unfortunately she died of Swine Flu.

**Who owns your house?**

I do!

**Who bought you the clothes you're wearing?**

I did. They were in the sale at the market but you can't really see the stains on it anymore.

**Who is at your house?**

Mr. T lives upstairs, and Toby is here helping me out as usual.

**Who loves you?**

I would say Mr. T, but that's being a bit optimistic.

**Who said hey to you today?**

Is that the same as hello??

**Who are you talking to right now?**

I'm telling Toby to get the pies ready for dinner rush.

**Who was your ex-boy/girlfriend?**

I had a husband called Albert, but he died a few years ago now.

**What town do you live in?**

London.

**What are your pet peeves?**

When Mr. T won't talk to me about his feelings.

**What are you wearing?**

A black dress and corset. But I have bought a lower cut one this time. I must go bend over near Mr. T – see how he takes it!

**What do your teeth look like?**

I think my teeth are pretty decent. Well – it's Victorian London, of course my teeth are decent!

**What are you doing in an hour?**

I'll be down in the bakehouse, cutting people up, the usual.

**What is your middle name?**

I don't have one.

**What is your deepest secret?**

That I use human meat in my pies. That's a pretty big one!

**What are you doing tomorrow?**

See what I'm doing in an hour.

**What is your boy/girlfriends middle name?**

I'll take it you mean Mr. T? I don't know if he made up a middle name. I'll have to ask.

**What is in this for you?**

In what??

**What is your favorite thing(s) to do?**

Think about Mr. T, talk to Mr. T… the list goes on.

**What are you sitting on?**

A stool. I can't afford decent cushions you know!

**Where are you at right now?**

At home.

**Where were you at 12 noon today?**

At the market.

**Where is your toothbrush at?**

Erm… the bathroom???

**Where do you sleep?**

In my bed. If I had my way, Mr. T would be with me.

**Where do you live?**

186, Fleet Street, London.

**Where were you at 7pm yesterday?**

I was rushing round with pies for my customers.

**Where is your boy/girl friend?**

Upstairs, no doubt staring out the window or polishing his razors.

**Where are your parents?**

Dead. They died of swine flu.

**Where did you put your bookbag?**

Who keeps their books in a bag? I keep mine on my bookshelf!

**Where do you keep your socks?**

I don't wear socks – I'm not a man! I wear stockings!

**When was your first kiss?**

On my wedding day, with Albert. God, that's depressing.

**When are you getting a job?**

_Getting _a job? I have a job! My job is to bake people into pies!

**When will you grow up?**

This survey is very insulting sometimes. Have you not seen my cleavage??

**When are you going to call your friend?**

Well Mr. T will be down soon, so I don't need to call him.

**When did you get home last night?**

I was home all night. Oh no, actually, I got home at about 11 o'clock after I'd been to get some gin.

**When did you graduate?**

Graduate what?

**When are you going to stop taking surveys?**

Straight after I've finished this one!

**When was the last time you had a fruit smoothie?**

A smoothie? Is that a fruit that's smooth? Does a banana count cos I had one at lunchtime.

**When are you getting married?**

Hopefully in a year, when we have moved to the seaside.

**Why are you taking this?**

I have nothing better to do apart from stalk Mr. T.

**Why are you weird?**

I'm not weird! Just because I have hair piled on the top of my head it does NOT make me weird!

**Why are you wearing what you're wearing right now?**

Because Mr. T can get a better look down the front of this dress.

**Why don't you have friends?**

I have Mr. T. And Toby. And Anthony, but who really counts him?

**Why can't you get a boy/girl friend?**

Because the man whom I am in love with is too busy with his razors to pay any attention to me!

**Why do you live where you're at?**

I'm not sure. I've always lived here.

**How do you fix your hair?**

Well… my hair is naturally curly you see, so I just have to take each strand and put it on top of my head, then slide a few pins through it. It took some practice!

**How often do you say I love you?**

Every day, to Mr. T.


	3. Anthony Hope

_**Anthony Hope**_

**Song that always makes you sad?:**

_Greenfinch and Linnet Bird._ It reminds me of Johanna being locked away.

**Last thing you bought?: **

A packet of sequins off the market.

**Last person you argued with?: **

Judge Turpin over Johanna. But the man is just miserable. But I do like his trousers.

**Do you put Butter before putting the jelly on?: **

I use Flora instead.

**One of your stuffed animals' names as a kid?: **

Sunshine, his name was. He was a pony.

**Did you ever own at one time a Nysnc Cd?: **

Totally! Justin is so fit… I mean masculine.

**Favorite day of the week?: **

Saturday. It's the day I first saw Johanna.

**Favorite Sundae topping?: **

Waffles.

**Did you take Piano lessons?: **

No. I played the triangle.

**Most frequent song played?: **

_Johanna._ I mean, I sung it!

**T.V. show you secretly enjoy?: **

Beverly Hills 90210

**Date someone older or younger?: **

Younger; i.e. Johanna.

**One place you could travel right now?: **

Johanna's house. Without Judge Turnip, however.

**Do you use umbrellas?: **

Of course! Otherwise my hair would be ruined!

**Favorite Cheese?: **

Wensleydale. Can't beat the stuff.

**Disturbed or My Chemical Romance?: **

I prefer a musician who goes by the name of Jayne Wisener. Have you heard of her??

**Do you prefer Blondes or Brunettes?: **

Ah! Yellow hair!!

**Best job you ever had?: **

As an official Johanna stalker!

**Do you use your queen right away in chess? ..: **

I don't play chess. I prefer tiddly-winks.

**Ever been in a car accident?:**

What is a "car"?

**Closer to mom or dad...or neither?: **

Neither.

**What age is this exciting life over for you?: **

As long as I'm with Johanna – it NEVER ENDS!!

**Favorite shoes you have EVER owned?: **

My women's orange Jimmy Choos. Ah, how I loved them!

**Do you have an article of clothing you have had since you were in high school: **

Do I look like I went to school?

**Were you ever in a talent show?: **

Yes, for my singing. I didn't win though – some bloke called Johnny Depp won instead.

**Have you ever written in a library book?: **

Yes – I once wrote I Love Johanna in the cover of Harry Potter.

**Allergic to?:**

My hair conditioner, but I use it anyway.

**Have you watched Sex and the City?: **

Of course! Girl power!!

**Have you thrown up on a plane?: **

No. What is a plane?

**Have you thrown up at work?: **

No – I'm a sailor. It would be stupid of me to get sea-sick.

**What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk for the first time?: **

Gin.

**What was your first job?: **

A woman's clothes model.

**Who was your first Best Friend and are you still friends with them?: **

My best friend is Mr. Todd. He rules my world! Him and Johanna.

**What is the first thing you do in the morning?: **

Sing _Johanna _to myself. Sometimes objects come flying out of Mrs. Lovett's pie shop windows, and hit me when I'm singing. I don't know why.

**What was the first concert you attended?: **

Beethoven.

**First celebrity crush?: **

Helena Bonham Carter. Haven't seen her lately, though.


	4. Johanna Barker

_**Johanna Barker**_

**Name: **

Johanna

**What Does It Mean?**

God is gracious

**Nicknames:**

Urgh – let's not go there.

**Gender: **

I'm a girl! Duh!

**Are Your Parents Still Together: **

No cos my dad got sent off to Australia by my guardian, who incidentally made my mum poison herself. My life is depressing.

**Single or Taken: **

Single, technically.

**Is That A Good Thing? **

Yes, because that means I am not with Judge Turpin, but no because I want to be with Anthony!

**Favorites... **

**Perfume: **

You can't beat a bit of Vera Wang's Rock Princess.

**Beer: **

I don't drink beer.

**Non-Alcoholic Drink: **

Water.

**Quote: **

"We all deserve to die!" – I don't know who said it, but it's full of angst!

**Feature of the Opposite Sex: **

Their hair. That's why I like Anthony so much.

**Sports Team: **

Chelsea!! WOO!!

**Pair of Shoes: **

My spooky boots that a woman called Mrs. Lovett gave me as a gift.

**Have You Ever... **

**Been In Love: **

With Anthony! Judge Turpin if you're reading this – screw you!

**Been on a Blind Date: **

I might have if Judge Turpin let me out of the house.

**Ran Out of Gas: **

Yes, actually. It was awful – we had to use coal instead.

**Been in a Major Accident: **

Yeah. It's called my life.

**Had Alcohol Poisoning: **

JT has never let me within a mile radius of any alcohol.

**Been in a Fight: **

Me and JT had a slanging match one night. It didn't end well.

**Your Most Unusual Obsession: **

Birds. Especially green finches and linnet birds.

**You're Most Missed Memory: **

I don't have one. I can't remember being anywhere apart from this house.

**Your Greatest Weakness: **

Anthony.

**Your Biggest Fear: **

That Anthony is gay. This is very likely, however.

**Your Best Physical Feature: **

My yellow hair!

**Do You Love Yourself? **

Of course.

**Who's Your Best Friend? **

I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but I think the Beadle.

**Any Tattoos/Piercings: **

A love heart with 'Anthony' in it on my left arm.

**How Do You Want To Die? **

I want a barber to slit my throat and make me into a pie. Is that strange?

**Your First Thoughts Waking Up: **

Where has my nightdress gone?

**What Are Your Pet Peeves? **

JT's hole in my door. :S

**Where Do You See Yourself in 10 Years? **

Either a) committing suicide or b) with Anthony.


	5. Toby Ragg

**Just a warning, people. This chapter contains a bit of Tobett, so don't come complaining to me if you don't like what you read.**

**Keep those reviews coming in, people!!**

**=D**

* * *

**What is your name?**

Toby Ragg

**Do you find it annoying when surveys ask for your name?**

Extremely.

**What do you plan to buy in the future?**

Bread.

**Where did you get the underwear you are currently wearing?**

Gap.

**How many pairs of Converse do you own?**

26.

**There is a mummy standing behind you. What do you do?**

Scream for Mr. Todd, who will come down and promptly kill the mummy with his razors. I have an overactive imagination.

**What do you think of Miley Cyrus?**

I think she's a talented singer.

**Do you tend to think that you are always right?**

Yes – I was convinced I was right about Mr. Todd.

**Top Five Favorite Songs:**

Wannabe – Spice Girls

Barbie Girl – Aqua

God, That's Good – Helena Bonham Carter & Edward Sanders

Teardrops On My Guitar – Taylor Swift (It reminds me of Mrs. Lovett)

Thanks For The Memories – Fall Out Boy

**What was your favorite toy as a child?**

A bear I had called Nellie. Nellie is my favourite name.

**Have you thought more about your funeral, or your wedding?**

My wedding…with Mrs. Lovett.

**Dinosaurs or Unicorns?**

Heehee… unicorns!!

**What is your favorite musical?**

Sweeney Todd. It's about a barber and his accomplice who go around killing people and baking them into pies. How did they come up with that idea??

**You need new jeans. Where do you go?**

Oxford Street.

**Do you play the Sims 2?**

Yeah!

**Do you think Harry Potter is at all immoral to read?**

I don't know what immoral means, but I do like Harry Potter.

**What do you think of Maroon 5?**

I like 'She Will Be Loved'.

**What about Coldplay?**

Not my type of music.

**Fall Out Boy?**

Thanks for the Memories is my favourite song!

**Katy Perry?**

'Hot and Cold' reminds me of Mr. Todd.

**The Wii or Xbox 360?**

Neither. I like the Playstation 3

**Do you enjoy surveys?**

Yes, of course I do.

**What do you hear at the moment?**

Mrs. Lovett singing something. I can't make out what it is.

**Do you watch the Olympics?**

It is my dream to be a diver, so yes.

**What is the worst job you have ever had?**

When I worked for Pirelli. Screw him.

**Have you ever been to Minnesota?**

Is that like Manchester?

**What is the strangest thing you've ever seen on TV?**

Probably a show called 'Signor Pirelli's Dating Game'

**What is your favorite Disney Show?**

Phineas And Ferb

**Have you ever gone camping?**

No, but I have been on a picnic with Mrs. Lovett and Mr. Todd. I don't think he enjoyed it much.

**What do you do when you want to fill out a survey, but none of your friends have posted surveys that you have not taken yet?**

I have a major panic attack.

**What is your current job?**

My job is to give Mrs. Lovett a hand in the pie shop. She won't let me down to the bakehouse, though. Can't think why not.

* * *

_Ah, how we love fanfiction! _

_Not my best chapter,, I'll admit, but still Judge Turpin, Pirelli and The Beadle to come!_


	6. Judge Turpin

**Disclaimer: No, I don't own Sweeney Todd - :(**

* * *

**Judge Turpin**

**Where did you kiss the last person you kissed?**

In my library of porn, in a game of spin the bottle. It was with The Beadle.

**What's the greatest thing that happened to you today?**

Johanna attempted to attack me with a croquet stick.

**How many TRUE best friends do you have?**

One – The Beadle

**Would you rather get up early or sleep in?**

Get up early – so I can catch Johanna changing

**Tell me about the shirt you're wearing?**

It's gold, tight, and matches my trousers.

**What are you excited about right now?**

Marrying Johanna…

**Would you rather smile over a lie or cry over the truth?**

Smile over a lie

**What's on your bedroom floor right now?**

Do you really want to know that??

**Who's the last person you got into an argument with?**

Johanna (see above – croquet stick)

**If you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move?**

Las Vegas

**Your favorite number?**

16 (Johanna's age)

**Do you like anybody right now?**

Johanna

**When was the last time you had your hair cut?**

Two weeks ago. It would have been today, but that sailor boy burst in on me in the barber's shop.

**Would you rather be mad or sad?**

Mad. HAHA!!

**Does it take a lot to make you cry?**

Yes. I haven't cried in 675 years.

**What's the best feeling in the world?**

*shifty eyes*

**Name a fear you have:**

That Johanna is a lesbian

**Does the thought of marriage scare you?**

Of course not!

**How many kids do you want?**

Well if Johanna gives birth every year that would be about 30 kids.

**What's your favorite season?**

Winter.

**What's your favorite color to wear?**

Gold

**Who was the last person in your bedroom?**

Heh heh!

**What are you doing today?**

Spying on Johanna

**Did you ever want to change your name when you were younger?**

I wanted to be called Michael Jackson.

**Who's the last text message you received from and what did it say?**

'Text'? Is that like 'test'?

**What are you freakishly obsessed with?**

Yellow hair

**What piercings do you want?**

Belly button

**When will you hang out with the person you last kissed next?**

When he walks through the door in about 5 minutes

**Are you in a good mood?**

Sort of.

**Would you rather skydive or bungee jump?**

Skydive.

**How many hours did you sleep last night?**

4

**Who's the last person that you felt was stalking you?**

Beadle Bamford *shudder*

**Have you cried today?**

No

**Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now?**

Hopefully Johanna. But she's probably thinking whether a book or a lamp would be the best object to throw at me next.

**What did you dress up as for Halloween?**

A transsexual vampire.


End file.
